I Have Been A Victim Of Customer Assault

As soon as we entered the store she had us locked in her sights.  

“Hi, Ladies.  Have you been here before?  Are you looking for anything specific?”

“Yes, we’ve been here.  We just want to look around.”

“Are you interested in our Credit Card Disguised As A College Savings Plan?”, she asked thrusting the flier towards us.

As we involuntarily stumbled backwards my sister politely explained, “No.  And every time I come here you offer me that and I am really not interested.”

A flicker of comprehension flashed across the salesgirl’s eyes.  ’Ah, they have been here before and have already told me they don’t want any of my crap…  Pay no mind.  Keep going!’  “Well let me just tell you how the store is set up…”

We eventually break free and begin to navigate the store.  As we shop the salesgirl puts ‘just a couple of things’ in the dressing room that my sister might want to try on.  A couple of things being 5 pairs of pants, 2 of the ugliest shirts I’ve ever seen, and 5 bras.  Throughout our shopping she made sure we were ‘finding everything okay’ at least 5 times.

We finally make our way to the register.  We’ve been here before.  The salesgirl knows that we have been here before.  We told her.  We have also told her that we are not interested in her crap.  Let’s see what happens…

Salesgirl:  ”Did you ladies find everything alright?” 

(Yes we did, despite you circling over us like a bird of prey.)

My Sister:  “Yes, fine thank you.”

Salesgirl:  “Did you like any of the things that I put in your dressing room for you?”

(No, I didn’t and I found it quite irritating that they were even there because they were in my way while I was trying on things that I actually did like.)

My Sister:  “I actually already have black pants so…”

Salesgirl:  “Oh, but these are the Super Comfy Over-Priced variety that we just came out with.  Are you using a sleep bra?”

My Sister:  “Yes, I am.”

Salesgirl:  “Are they our doctor recommended ones?”

My Sister:  “Yes, actually they are the exact same ones.”

Salesgirl:  “Oh okay.  One of the things I recommend to all of my clients is a our Amazing Lotion.  Are you hydrating?”

My Sister:  “Actually, I already have a lotion that I’m using.”

Salesgirl:  “Oh what kind is it?”

My Sister:  “Medela.”

Salesgirl:  “Oh I have never heard of it.”  (That’s because you are 22, have never been pregnant and don’t actually know anything about the experience beyond what happens in this store.)  “Well ours is infused with a top secret fragrance that is guaranteed to reduce your fatigue and make your husband love you more.  It will not only reduce your chances of getting stretch marks, but take away any scars, blemishes, freckles or hair that are already present.  And as a bonus, it will increase the IQ of your unborn child.  Would you like to purchase one of our trial samples for $1.00 so you can stay hydrated no matter where you are?”

(Don’t the words ‘trial sample’ imply that it should be free?)

My Sister:  “No, thank you.”

Salesgirl:  “Are you interested in our Credit Card Disguised As A College Savings Plan?”

(You mean the one that you offered us as soon as we entered the door?  The one we already told you we didn’t want this time nor any of the times that you had offered it to us before?)

My Sister:   “No, thank you.”

Salesgirl:  “Would you like to donate $1.00 to a preemie baby?  The key-chain is free.”

(Hm… If I give you a $1.00 donation and you give me a key-chain, it is not free.  It cost me $1.00.  And please don’t play on the already highly charged emotions of my very pregnant sister by asking her to donate to a ‘preemie baby’ instead of March Of Dimes where the donation is actually going to.

My Sister:  “No, thank you.”

Phew we made it out…

There are a number of things that I took away from this whole experience, besides the urge to throttle the salesgirl.

• There is a difference between customer service and customer assault.   First, the salesgirl should have asked if she could recommend a few items for my sister to try on.  Instead she just took the liberty of packing her dressing room with unwanted items.  It was intrusive, not helpful.  Secondly, asking once or twice if we are finding everything we need is sufficient.  We then feel that you are aware that we are in the store and that you are available if we need anything.  Asking more than that is bothersome and annoying.  Translation for online marketers:  Don’t bombard your web visitors with unrequested and intrusive advice.  Welcome them, make sure you have provided them with everything they need to work through your site themselves, and get the hell out of the way.  Include a variety of ways for them to contact you and make them visible so that they know that you are still there if they need you.
• Listen to your customers.  As soon as we walked in, we told the salesgirl that we had been to the store before.  She completely ignored that fact and continued her well practiced, drone-like speech.  As well, she offered us their credit card when we walked in the door and we told her no, but she asked again at check out.  This means that she was not listening to anything we had to say.  Translation for online marketers:  Don’t ask your customers to give you their input through comments, blogs, questionnaires, and surveys and then don’t listen to what they have to say.  It is insulting. 
• Remember your repeat customers.  At some point in the check out process the salesgirl asked my sister for her phone number.  Since she had already been there, she was already in the computer.  This should throw a flag up to the salesgirl that she has already been offered all of their upsells and credit cards and either accepted them or not.  Stop asking.  Translation for online marketers:  If people frequently return to your site, this is a good thing.  Reward them by remembering them.  Do not make them answer the same questions and go through the same steps every time they come to your site to do something.  Allow them to cut through the crap and get their business done.
• Limit your upsells and sales-pitches.  We had to say “No” to 5 things that we didn’t want in order to buy 3 things that we did.  The whole process bordered on insane.  The experience made us not want to shop there because we know we will be subjected to 10 minutes of sales-pitches just to get out the door.  Translation for online marketers:  An offer or two at checkout is fine.  They can be especially useful and successful if the offers are items that compliment what the customer is already purchasing.  However, do not make your customers walk through a minefield of upsells to buy what they came for. 

Whether that salesgirl was acting on her own accord or was following store policy, I don’t know.  What I do know is that you will be hard pressed to get me in that store again.

I’d love to hear your customer assault stories.

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